We are the Mona Lisa

 "I am the Mona Lisa!" said the old man. "No, I am the Mona Lisa!" said the other old man.

"Guys, guys. Listen," said the third old man. "I am a doctor. See this shiny thing on my head? And I got a different thing in my pocket? Proof!"

The two old men had stopped fighting and listened intently.

The doctor continued: "And I have some really good news! We are all the Mona Lisa!"

The first two old men started painting their own version of the Mona Lisa, but they had to paint it in their imaginations, as they had no art supplies due to the greedy capitalists and the labor theory of value. Also, the budget cuts.

Things seemed peaceful for a minute as the two men painted in their minds. The doctor took this opportunity to perform unnecessary heart surgeries on random passersby. While the doctor was doing heart surgery on poor 8 year old Jimmy, something fell out of his (Jimmy's) pocket. It was the real Mona Lisa! Turns out Jimmy was an international art thief. 

"I am the Mona Lisa!" said the Mona Lisa.

The two old men were shocked. The doctor saw this coming a mile off, so he took out his rifle and shot the Mona Lisa five times.

"Dang," said the Mona Lisa.

The doctor took off his latex mask, revealing the face of a mysterious Italian woman who lived, like, 600 or 700 years ago.  She had an intriguing facial expression.

"I AM THE MONA LISA!!!" said the doctor.

Thunder clapped behind him. Jimmy grew 9 legs and took the doctor

and turned him into an ostrich with a bowtie and an umbrella.

THE END